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The Riverview Inn in Alton, NH

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Company Info:

Rating: 1.00

Address: RR 28, Alton, NH, 03809

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    Comments (1):

    1. George W.
    This place is straight out of a horror film.  In fact horror films have probably been shot here but nobody survived because they were all killed by very real murderers.

    My lady and I wanted a cheap place to stay in Alton for one night as we were attending a wedding and figured we would be too drunk to appreciate a nice place anyway that evening.  The Riverview seemed to fit the bill.  I was extremely wrong.

    We roll up and see a woman sketchily chatting with what appears to be a meth addict or maybe plague victim.  He scurries off as I pull in and it turns out the woman is the motel keeper.

    How about this for a howdydo: When I check in the motel keeper lady (a squat, unpleasant woman who hates you) tells me she has no idea what price she quoted me on the phone when I gave her my credit card and also didn't reserve a room for me or charge me.  So I'll tell this shifty lady the price and she claims that "it impossible price".  I show her the price online.  "No I been ask man to update for year".  So the new price is 20 bucks more; The wedding is soon so I pay. She immediately asks me when we are leaving for the evening and what time we are coming back.  Weird right?  Could you please be more subtle about robbing our room?  I expect a certain level of civility when getting rolled at a motel in America in 2014 and not the goddamn Congo.

    I should back up.  "Riverview" is a misnomer.  Somehow, this place that is located in the beautiful lakes region sits by a fetid, dirty, swampstain.  The whole drive up we are surrounded by gorgeous lakes, then all the sudden the land turns cursed and this motel is sitting on it.

    We enter the room and I immediately regret paying for it.  The whole joint has the feeling of death about it, like a haunted abandoned insane asylum.  The floors in the bedroom are linoleum, no doubt so they can sweep your blood out the door in the morning,  The bed is strangely lumpy and sunken, as if it had been hosed down and left to dry indoors numerous times.  The bathroom was clean but small.  There was on old tube TV that i didn't turn on because of poltergeists.  It SMELLED like weird chemicals.  The place both scared and depressed me, two feelings that are the hallmark of a great stay in the country,

    I walked up to the office again.  There are signs everywhere that say NO REFUNDS.  So if you are curious about their refund policy here it is: NO.

    We leave for the wedding, get halfway there, then decide to double back and get our belongings so they aren't stolen or raped or poisoned.  We get them.

    The whole night at the wedding I get more and more of a bad feeling about staying there.  I decide to STAY SOBER at the wedding because my misgivings are so strong.  I imagined us being assaulted or kidnapped by Congo slave traders.  After the wedding, we go back to the motel, I drop off the key, and hightail it back to Boston.  I was never happier to see the Zakim bridge. I am positive I saved our lives.

    DO NOT STAY HERE unless you need a place to"lay low until things blow over in Tijuana"  or a place to do some weird drug no one has ever heard of.  This place looks like a great place to have a marriage ending fight.

    01/10/14 | Link | Rating: 1.0